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This just in: Andy Stormcrow is un pendejo CHEAPSKATE!
Oh, and KOBE has a big game leading the East to victory over the West in the All-Star Game.

Hey there, beloved readers! Beto here, reporting in from the All Star Game in sunny Los Angeles!  The game was good as my beloved Kobe 'Beef' Bryant put up a load of points to show the kids he still has the goods to be the main man in the NBA. Kobe was great but the company was bad as Andy Stormcrow Cohen pulled his usual shenanigans and left me at the bar with our entire tab!
You're a cheapskate, Andy! I'm not going to your Stop Gonorrhea BBQ Benefit either! You're so bad your probably spreading the vile disease so we can all be on your infected level!
Lebron James was a force to reckoned with and put Kobe on notice that the young guns were here to stay. Hey, the King made the All-Star game for the like the 7th time and he's still only 19. Well done, Bron-Bron! Blake Griffin, you high-yellow fine lookin' man? You keep on slamming the rim and so will I! Oh, yes I did! I went there!
So Andy ate four servings of Nachos, had three margaritas, two Red Bulls, and a what seemed like a whole jar of pickled pig's feet! That's like $600 in snack bar money! And he had the company credit card too!
"I'll be right back, Beto. Have to drain the dragon. Smell you in a bit, big guy." He says, but he never smelled me in a bit. He just left! Ass!

I feel bad for whoever smelled him though! LOL!
Oh yeah and some young, handsome African American man jumped over a small car to win the slam dunk contest. OMG it was SO amazing. A WHOLE CAR!

Andy just so you know, I hate you! And you owe me that money, mister! And Don't be tryingto hideout in Hugo's office either!

That's it, sports-lovers! Be sure to stick around for our next great story as only your devoted staffers can tell it!


Andre Agassi coming out of retirement to face Hulk Hogan in winner take all No-Rules-Cage-Match

(Las Vegas, NV) - Eight time grand slam winner Andre Agassi will come out of retirement to take on arch-nemesis Hulk Hogan at this year's Wrestlemania event, WWE Owner Vince McMahon said in a press conference Saturday at the Sahara Casino in Las Vegas.

"This is a blood feud that's been, literally, years in the making," McMahon said as both fighters stood shirtless and flexing to either side of him. "This is the match that fans have been clamoring for ever since Andre left the sports world in 2006."

When asked by reporters what started the whole thing Hogan quickly answered with a scathing, "His over-rated forehand and his unwillingness to work hard until the tail end of his career. The dude could have literally been the best ever."

Agassi quickly countered with, ""This from the guy that road Andre the Giant's coat-tails to fame? Please, you're nothing more than a poor man's Ultimate Warrior. Oh, and your mom said I was the best ever."

Both fighters had to be held back by their respective camps at that point. McMahon received a bloody nose from an errant Agassi forehand in the melee. As he was wheeled away by emergency personnel, McMahon, with his wife holding his hand, uttered, "See all the action for only $59.99 on Pay Per View," before he passed out due to loss of blood.