Sheen Plays Superman... at Fresno Bar.
by Shalimar Evans

(Fresno, California) "I am TOO Superman! And you just stepped in it you mortal asswipe!"

These were the last words heard by Terry Sullivan, bartender at O'Mally's House of Exquisite Libations. The last words that is - until he woke up on the floor of O'Mally's with actor Charlie Sheen urinating on and about his head and neck area, all while yelling repeatedly "Wake up Red! The Son of Jor-El isn't finished with you yet!"

"I guess he hit me, I don't really remember. But I do know that he really seemed to be enjoying the way his urine would kind of create a small wave as it struck my broken clavicle. My friend Josh said (Sheen) was splashing it off of there and straight into my mouth right before I came too!"

"He can be a real asshole you know?" Sullivan said adding "But to be honest it is kind of flattering that he chose me to urinate on. Plus, now I can sell my clothes and my hat on ebay, 'cause these bastards are soaked in some seriously famous whiz!"

When asked about the incident, Sheen replied "What? Who...him? OK well, first he tried to tell me they were out of Jameson©, but I had a full bottle in my hand! Then the next thing is, is he's like 4 feet tall and... with that accent... I think it's pretty clear to everyone here that he's a Leprechaun - probably working for Luthor or possibly Darkseid... and plus he's a f**king Ginger... add that all together and, well, everybody better stand back 'cause Superman's about to have a tinkle party. I mean, c'mon, he was practically begging me to pee on him! And also all of you normal people that think the you can somehow..."

Sheen's voice trails off as he walks away toward the pinball machines at the back of O'Mally's, he then turns back and walks toward the bar. Sheen proceeds to crawl onto the bar and stretch out as if he were flying. "OK... I'll be back! I'm just gonna fly backwards around the earth real fast and reverse time so I can pee on that little Leprechaun again! Where is he? Don't let him leave before I get back!"

The Fresno Police Department were called to the scene, but Sullivan decided not to press charges. "I mean he is Charlie Sheen. I'm just a regular bartender. Let's keep some perspective here."