iHop©, It ain't no Denny's©





WHAT WHAT?


My Little Poopers!

STRAWBERRY FLAVORED SEX PANTIES!

Last night my girlfriend Sandra come home and says "I got something you can review on that web space of yours." I said "What in the hell are you talking about?" She says "Lookie here." and then she proceeds to take down her work britches and shows me some kind of fruit roll up lookin' of underwear she has on.

She says " These here is eatable panties, the box says they's Strawberry flavored."

So I says "Well tear me off a bite". She tears off a piece and hands it to me and let me tell you, I ain't never had no strawberry that tasted like that! I don't know what they's made of but I told her, I says "Them thing's is gone rotten, you need to get your money back asap!"

Well she run outta the room cryin' but I didn't chase her down. I done learned the hard way to let a woman cry that sh*t out. And anyhow I was right in the middle of a Grey's Anatomy I Tivoed. I got eyes for that Kathrin Heigl, and that oriental gal ain't to hard to look on neither. My advice, avoid flavored panties, or go with chocolate if you take my meaning.

IHOP...it ain't no Denny's!

I just went and ate at an ihop for the first time last night, and let me tell you one thing. IHOP ain't no Denny's! I asked for the Grand Slam and the waitress laughed so hard she broke wind.

I decided after my experience to go on ahead and write me a one man play called "F**K IHOP!" Here's a sample from the first act. Now you gotta picture this waitress, she looked like she just ate her own weight in pig scraps and washed it down with bacon grease. She had to butter her thighs to get into her XXXXL stretch pants. And her rear looked like a topographical map of the surface of the moon. You get what I'm saying...she was a fat pig. Anyhow...here's you a taste of "F**K IHOP!" by Darryl T. Montgomery

Act 1 Scene 2

Waitress: Welcome to the ihop I'm Sandra. What can I get for you tonight?

Me: I'll just have me a Grand Slam with a side of summer sausage and some extra grits.

Waitress: (Laughing like a morbidly obese hyena) We don't have no Grand Slam here.

Me: Well then, uh, I guess make it a Moon Over My Hammy.

Waitress: (Trying to stop laughing like a morbidly obese hyena) Ain't got that neither.

Me: Well then what the hell do you have?

Waitress: (Finally done laughing, but big blubbery gut still shaking) We got the Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity and the Super Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity.

Me: The what?

Waitress: The Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity.

Me: What in the name of all that is good in the world is that?

Waitress: Well it comes with two pancakes with your choice of strawberry, apple-cinnamon or blueberry fruit jelly and whipping cream. Now the Super Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity also has eggs, bacon, sausage and hash browns.

Me: I don't know what you just said to me, but I'm about to haul my ass outta this sh*t-hole. I saw a dead raccoon on the side of the road about a mile back, I think I'll go eat that instead of the bunk you're peddling here.

Waitress: Good, get on outta here 'fore I call the law on you and your foul mouth.

Me: My mouth would only be foul if I shoved your feces-ridden tripe into it.

Well I think you get the general idea. The script is only about half done at the moment, but I'm planning on debuting it this spring. So check back for ticket information and what not.

Oh yeah...and F**K YOU IHOP!